51 jokes in 4 minutes .

Someone walks into a bar and sees George Bush junior and Dick Cheney talking. He walks up to them and asks what they are talking about, Bush replies,
"Well, we are debating on the effects of killing ten thousand Iraqi men, woman and children. And one Harvard graduate blonde."
The man replies,
"Why a Harvard graduate blonde?!?"
Cheney leans over to Bush and says,
"Told you no one cares about ten thousand Iraqi."

I was riding a horse and its leg fell off. I had to shoot it. All the kids on the merry-go-round started screaming.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Elephino.

What did the ranch say when you opened the refrigerator door?
"Stop! I'm dressing!"

Why did the white bear dissolve in the water?
He was polar.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

What do you call a joke that is based on cobalt, radon, and yttrium?
CoRnY

You are in a cement room with a wooden table and a hack saw. How do you get out?

Cut the table in half, put the two halves together to make a whole, then climb out through it.

George Bush got a call from the President of Brazil. He was informed that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed the previous week in Iraq. Bush started crying and said, "Oh my God, how many is a Brazilian!?"

Two skydivers are plummeting towards the ground. One is laughing at the other. The other yells,
"The joke's on you! Your parachute doesn't work!"
The first guy suddenly becomes serious and replies,
"On the contrary, this is your parachute."

What's the difference between a pile of rocks and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a pile of rocks in my basement.

If the world throws you melons, youre probably dyslexic.

Unless the world throws you some water and sugar, your lemonade is going to suck.

What is the worst way to kill a bird? Throw it off a cliff

What is red and goes up and down? A tomato on an elevator


A guy walks into a bar.

You'd think he would have ducked.

Jesus is up on the cross and sees John standing at the bottom of the hill.

"John, come here. I need to tell you something".

John begins climbing the hill and he's beaten mercilessly by the Romans. Eventually, he rolls to the bottom of the hill in agony.

Jesus, once again, calls, "John, come here. I need to tell you something."

John climbs the hill and once again, the Romans beat him and send him to the bottom of the hill bleeding and bruised.

Yet again, Jesus calls, "John, come here. I need to tell you something."

John begins crawling up the hill. The Romans take pity and allow him to pass. Eventually, with his last strength, he drags himself to the foot of the cross and says, "Yes, Jesus. I'm here. What is it?"

Jesus looks down and says, "These guards look pretty nasty, don't try anything..."

A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!"
The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog."
The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house.
Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!"
The friend thinks this is a great idea, so he takes his dog into the bar and sits down.
The bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!"
The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog."
The bartender replies, "Oh sure. Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?"
The man says, "Son of a Bitch! They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A man walked into a bar holding an alligator. He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
The bartender said, "Yes, we do!"
"Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."

Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel Prize
For being out standing in his field!

A guy walks into a bar and sits next to a blonde as the 10 o'clock news is coming on. There's a segment about a man who is going to jump. The blonde turns to him and says,
"Do you think he'll jump?"
And he says,
"You know I bet he'll jump" they layed the money on the counter just as the guy jumped off the building and the guy says,
"I can't take your money, I saw it on the 5 o'clock news earlier,"
And the blonde says,
"I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again!"

what did the tall chimney say to the short chimney?
Your to young to smoke!

did you know that 65 million jews were killed in the holocaust along with one clown?
Why the clown?
Cause nobody cares about Jews.