一份寄不出的礼物。
It's friday morning and i 'm sitting here , typing my words and telling out what i thought this morning.
I'm having hard feelings.
I seriously know what are they thinking.
They just don't want me to get hurt , or become rebellious .
But ,
they just ruin my life.
I mean,
that's not what i wanted.
Teenagers are suppose to hang out with their friends , go shopping , and many more.
I don't even know what the hell is a tube dress or wedges .
I thought wedges are those fried potatoes KFC selling.
And my head is full of question marks when peyjing started to say about it.
"Should i wear wedges for XXX"
You're....You're wearing the potato ?
Thanks to Jialing ,
i finally know tube dress = dress that makes your boobs really tight.
Hardly breathe while wearing it.
I still anti-ing it.
What if people suddenly pull it , then everything pop out !
Hmmmm...
It's not like if i mix with my friends i won't care about my family too.
Maybe we got even more topics to talk about.
This morning , i lied down on my bed , switched on my NDSI and listen to some emo songs.
I starred at my ceiling for one hour.
And i started to daydream.
Pisces likes daydreaming , Heh!
I started to think about my life.
16years.
Am i going to spend my life alone?
Lets see.
I'm not always a winner in the friendship sector.
First i got cheated . Well lets just treat it as a lesson for me to learn.
Then , people just don't talk to me without any reason.
That i seriously don't understand.
If i made mistakes then just tell me.
Next , i realize i'm in the wrong group.
Mixing people with no common interests .
And that's when i start to mix with people that treats me like a puppet.
I seriously don't mind.
As long as you still think i'm your friend , that's all.
I know i sound as if i'm desperate to have a friend but then ,
Yes. I am.
You know i can only spend my day at home alone everyday.
And the school is the only place that i can mix with other people other than my family.
My parents are quite strict and they are not that open minded.
At the beginning of the year,
i wanted to join some .. club.
Doing some charity works , helping the people that needs my help , but...
the answer they gave me is : "If you want to help people then wait till ' you grow up. Now is not the time where you join club and help people."
The next day they were praising their friend's daughter : " See ! Their daughter can be president , can get A in co-curriculum . What about you ?"
HaHaHa.
And some idiot uncles go tell my parents that Co-curriculum is not that important.
"Just write you name there , no need to go one ! ! They also got give marks one !! "
I join clubs not for the marks laah.
I mean ,
i just wanted to have fun.
Since i will spending my time at home alone ,
why don't i join some club and have fun ?
I don't want to be regret like my brother.
Yeah ,
but in the end i failed.
When they finally let me join the club i wanted to join ,
everything is too late.
You know ,
those ... desires and desperate feelings are no longer inside me.
I don't mind if you all don't let me out with my friends.
Nono.
Correction.
At least let me out when there's something going on.
Like birthdays , farewell , parties.
They only birthday party i went was ... Elynn's .
Yes.
One and only.
And farewell ?
Well ,
that what i regret the most.
I became like a turtle .
Hiding inside my shell , afraid of everything.
I fear to ask them for permissions ,
i fear to talk to them.
Why don't i sit down and discuss these matters with them ?
I did !
My brother did !
Fail.
Maybe it's my mistake.
I should go for a brainwash .
I don't have much friends.
Everyday i try hard to put a smile on my face and ,
be a clown and make everyone laugh at me.
That's like the only way to get attention.
The only way to make friends ,
the only way where people will actually listen to me , talk to me ,
but sometimes ,they
ignore me. Haha.
Cause i'm very annoying.
Yea.
I agree.
:D
But sometimes i find faking a smile very tiring.
You just forgot what's your true self.
Then i have those feelings ,
where i want everyone to be happy.
I don't want any sad face to appear in front of me.
But , fail.
As the time goes by ,
i realize that i'm not that lonely after all.
I still got my teddy bears with me.
And of course ,
some friends.
: )
I know my parents love me but then ,
sometimes there's a gap.
I'm okay , I'm fine.
Just looking for a way to shout everything out.
That's all.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
No worries.
I'm still that yenhui with abnormal brain XD
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